I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
