please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
