i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
