I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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