sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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