He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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