I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
