If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
