I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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