Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
