She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
