I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
