i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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