life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
another moral hangover. fuck.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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