Banned from zoo.
Again?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
