Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
