I think i peed on brittanys purse
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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