does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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