No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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