he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
