I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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