Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
