Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
