Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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