real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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