K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
