this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
