I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
