before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
