I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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