I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
