Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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