I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
