Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
