I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dick very happy bro
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
