You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
