i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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