I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
