so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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