on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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