dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
