we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
