i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
