So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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