I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
