I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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