i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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