i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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