i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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