True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
