Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
