I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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