I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
