I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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