Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
