Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
