She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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