My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the day after is always just damage control
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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