I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
