He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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