i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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