i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
