1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
