At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
