Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
