I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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