that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
