I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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