Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
