Welp...herpes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Randomize
