hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
