i think i have two assholes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
