i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
