trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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