I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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