you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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