When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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